Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Long Time No Write
A lot of stuff has been going on with me in my life and I have been pulling back and hiding to avoid facing things and reality. The reality of things is that I am unhealthy, lack willpower and determination, and constantly throw pity parties because I'm not getting results I want. *insert eye roll here* From now on I'm going for "it". What "it" is is weight loss, better health, finally starting my selling businesses, and finally working on writing and submitting for publication.
Great, now that I know what I want to do, start my businesses, get healthy, and become a published author, I need to figure out how to get to where I want to be. This is where things become muddled for me. I don't know how to take the first step. Mind you, I know what the first step should be, and well yes I can actually take that first step, but I guess its the second step that is hardest for me. How do I continue to work and strive towards my goal. I always mess up and have to start over on everything and I know if I don't want to do that anymore I have to stop quitting. So here goes. Here's my attempt at doing so. Its a new season, a fresh start. By the beginning of summer I want to have my novel "Jumper" written. Yes I am still working on that, oh and I have done some changes to it. For one thing I've change the main characters' names that are more fitting to them. Also I don't think the story will be called "Jumper" any more, but for now it will stay. I know if I do get published the name will change to something better, at least I hope it does...no it better change to something better. LOL! And well right now I am at outlining stage...again. I know, craptastic, but it is what it is. The stories I wrote just never seemed right. Its going in the right direction but its just not there yet. So I am back to square one. I'll be sharing more details about my novel here as it unfolds. At this point I have changed character names, removed some characters, added some characters, and I am still working on the plot. More to come.
As for health, I am finding it so hard to exercise and stick to my diet, and I just wish I could bribe myself to do it somehow. I have tried it before and it just doesn't work. I don't think I have mentioned it here before, but I am a doll collector of various dolls from cheap dollar store dolls to expensive Asian ball-joint dolls, and I have a set of vintage Barbie dolls waiting for me as an incentive to lose a large sum of weight. They were bought I think in 2010 and I can't have them until I lose the weight. Now I tried this with a Blythe doll and I did lose the weight...only the put it back on again. I think I put it back on because I did a lot of starving because I was bad off at the time and could barely eat. Since I didn't learn how to really lose weight the right way doing that I put the weight back on. This time I am doing it the right way so I know how to keep it off for good or at least how to lose it again if I do notice the weight creeping back up. But it seems if I want anything done I need to bribe myself for what I want.
So what can I do to get myself to write more? I need something to get me to write the novel and finish it. What would be a good incentive? Hummm. I know, for finishing the novel by June 20, 2012, the first day of Summer, I will have earned myself 3 books to read, 3 notepads and pens, and a bottle of "For Audrey" China Glaze nail polish that I really really want. And laugh if you must but I really want these things. LOL! Maybe some of you can relate to the love of books, notepads and pens,and nail polish. LOL! I seldom buy new stuff for myself and I don't remember the last time I bought new books for myself. I am thinking I want the "Hex Hall" series, and there are three of them out so I think its perfect. The notepad and pens are for outlining, brainstorming, and jotting when novel thoughts come to mind. And as for the pens, well you can never have enough pens, especially if they are cute. :-) I so need a counter of some sort to show this on the blog. LOL! As for editing bribing I'll worry about that later. I'm thinking it will be something a little more enticing because I feel editing will be the hardest part for me.
Ok, now that I have that all done, now its just my business I need to force myself to start. I haven't done it yet because honestly I am scared of being a big mess up on it. I want to open my doll clothing business as well as my amigurumi pattern business. Later on I want to open a vintage clothing shop and an Ebay or Amazon shop with my boyfriend so we can attempt to work for ourselves. See, I've got plans, and they are good plans, I am just to scared to act on them. But that stops today. I have the two main shops I want to start set up already, I just need to put inventory in and start promoting. That one I think will still take some time as I need to figure out prices, shipping, logos, promotion, etc. But once I get my first sale I will treat myself to stationary, tissue paper, and a tag paper punch as payment for a job well done and to make my packages I send out look nicer. Ok so I have the incentive, I guess with this I just need a deadline. I'm giving myself a month to get everything in the shop and set up for business. On April 20, 2012 I will be open for business. Stay tuned.
And then we return to the big one, weight. Yes, yes, I still have the dolls, but that is for ultimate goal weight or at least getting to a certain number in weight. I need tinier incentives to get things going. Ok, I want something for the first 20 pounds. Since those pounds can be tricky and sneak back up on you I will do something small. I think a bottle of crackle or shatter nail polish or a pretty nail polish I like. I want to start small and leave bigger things for when the going gets tough, and we all know it will. I can't set a real deadline on the 20 pounds, but I will give myself roughly 2 months. So by May 20, 2012 I need to be 20 pounds less. I am not going to say my weight here because it's personal to me and I won't cheat because it won't benefit me any if I do. I don't need a bottle of nail polish that bad to cheat with this. LOL! So I will post a counter for that as well here on the blog. And please don't worry, I will not make this into a weight loss blog, I'll just mention every now and again how my progress is going. This blog is strictly to get my rear in gear and write this damn novel.
But now that I have incentives, what will the punishments be? Perhaps the disappointment in myself and the embarrassment of having to admit here that I've failed will be enough. Yeah, the thought of admitting after I posted this post that I still failed after all is scary enough to make me at least try not to look like an ass on the internet. So yeah, there.
Ok, I am actually glad I was able to talk this all out here. It really helps me feel a little more centered and less like I am free-falling into nowhere. I was thinking of writing myself a daily schedule in a notebook so I didn't waste time during the day. I think I will do that then post a new entry here of what I will be doing today so I can be held accountable. Perhaps my return to writing and blogging here will be my savoir. No, not perhaps, it will be my savoir. I plan to blog everything about my writing and life in general to be accountable on everything. So here we go, day one. I just need to get through the next roughly 17 hours and 17 minutes. If I can do that, its one step closer to goal. :-) I'm going to close for now and go work on my schedule and some outlining. Talk to you all soon.
Off to conquer the day,