A Whole Year?!?

Image From Free Digital Photos

Wow, I had no idea I'd been away for so long. I knew I was pulling back due to my health and depression over it, but I didn't know it was this bad. So, what have I been up to in the world of books and writing? Not much really. I've been reading more than I have in the past few years, but writing has been a bust since my last post. I tried doing Nanowrimo last year, but I was going through something in my no defunct relationship that caused me to not finish. But returning to my blog, catching up on some author blogs, and seeing how some of you have gotten published has motivated me to return.

So, what's next? Well, after a very hurtful and painful breakup, like seriously why has no one told how painful one of those can be, I've decided to use it to write a romance novel. I would still like to write young adult novels, but the story inside me right now is a seasonal romance novel. It's going to start around Christmas time, much like my story, and go over the course of a year. I'm working out the details now of what I want the story to be. It is going to be VERY loosely based on my experience but still the same feel of my actual story. I'm super excited to get started on it.

I'm also going to try to read more. I am a slow reader, which really irritates me, but I won't let that keep me from setting goals and reaching them. I wish I could be like those of you who can read 2-4 books a week. I literally have towers and stacks of books yet to be read. I've been reading them though and I've actually read some that I've had for years and never read. And I keep adding to the stack. The Dollar Tree, dollar stores in general, and Amazon bargain books are pure evil for me. LOL! You can find some interesting gems in there. I know most people prefer current books, but I like to read a good story, period, so if it's at a dollar store and I find it interesting, I will read it. Now granted, because of this I have ended up with some duds of books, but even those are beneficial because they show me how not to write a novel. Sounds cruel, I know, but it's true, it's how writers learn to better their work. So I would like to work up to reading at least 2-4 books a week, but even with all the free time I have, I just can't see to do that. I guess if I read a book a day I could, but I'd literally get nothing done...not that I am doing that now if I am truly honest. But I am changing things, so I hope to start getting a lot done.

Speaking of reading books, I also want to do some book reviews here. I figure since I am reading books that not many people are probably reading, some of you may find reviews on them interesting. I've already talked about some of them on Goodreads, some of which I will be posting about here. Right now I am currently reading a book by Martha Stewart. I wasn't sure how I'd like it, but I am actually enjoying it. I'll make a post about it when I am done.

So my sleep pattern has been all over the place. I find I am more productive in the morning, even though I swear I am a night person. But there is just something about being up early before anyone else, listening to the birds chirping, and having a moment of "ah" to just sit and collect your thoughts and reflect on the day ahead of you. I would like to start getting up early, writing for an hour or more, and then start working on other things like my online shops I am trying to open and return to freelance article writing. I really feel there is a good story inside me and I want to share with the world. I'm constantly daydreaming new stories, I just need to figure out how to get them out of my head and into the written word.

And I guess this is as good a place as any to end this post. I plan to tweak the layout here some, find some new blogs to blogroll, a majority of mine are dead now. I seem to find blogs about anything with a goal, like weight loss or writing a book, tend to die off after a while. It's hard to keep working toward goals that require a lot of work, dedication, and motivation. So I totally get it and understand. I hope some of the authors come back like I did, and in the mean time I will try to find some other active writer and review blogs. If you have any suggestions feel free to pop them into my comments section, even if it's your own link, I'd love to check it out. And on that note, I will talk to you all later. Take care. Bye for now. :-)

Is There A Fourth Wall In Writing?

So I am reading a book right now that is part of a mini series of a series, hope I didn’t lose you there. Anyway, so in this book I am learning some things that I find irritating in writing.  One major thing being, breaking the fourth wall.  The narrator of the book I am reading, which shall remain nameless, keeps having a conversation with the reader. The author’s favorite thing to do is ask the read rhetorical questions.  I really hate that.  I hate that I am engrossed in the story and I am feverishly reading and getting my mind in the heads of the characters and there situations, and then bam!, I am suddenly pulled out of the story with some “witty banter”. Why?

Now granted this book is from the 90s and it’s Young Adult, but I started to wonder if teenagers from that time found this interesting.  Then it hit me, umm duhhhh, I was a teenage from that time, lol.  And no, I didn’t find stuff like that interesting.  I had read other books from the series that were written by other author’s, and I assumed that all the authors got notes on how to narrate the story so they would all have the same feel, but none of the other books I read really broke that 4th wall.  Nope, they did something else I don’t like instead.  Foretelling.

Ok, so umm, I am reading through this book for a reason.  To find out what’s going to happen.  So why would you tell me about what is going to happen before I even get to the event?  And after reading some great advice blog posts about showing instead of telling a story, I can better understand what the advice meant. Along with the foretelling in these stories there is also a lot of telling in general.  I don’t want to be told how she is feeling.  I want her actions to speak words. I want to be pulled into her mind and if she beats the crap out of something because her boyfriend dumped her, I want to feel her rage by being shown it.  I don’t want to read, “Lily was really angry”.  No, just no.

And one last thing these books are becoming irritatingly know for are putting words into the characters’ mouths that would not normally be coming out of them. The characters in this book like to do the swears that are always cut off at just the right moment, or it is just said they swore. So I know these characters outside these books in another form of media and they are not the cursing kind, at least not to the extent in this book. It’s just this one author that I have seen has them cursing. Now I’m not against cursing, but only if it fits the character.  These words do not fit the characters at all.  I’m not sure if the books were going for shock value or if they were trying to use the “lingo” us kids were using back in the day, but it just failed to “impress”.  I have two more books with this author and if it weren’t for me wanting know how it ended I would have stopped at book one.

So yeah, I had to share my little thoughts with you all on that.  I’m glad to see that my way of reading is changing and I am finally learning what I do and don’t like about writing. I feel guilty not liking something about someone’s creation, but if I do become successful at becoming published, I know I will face the same sticky wrath of judgment.  So I might as well have my say.  Speaking of which, I may post some more book issues in the future, but I would like to let it be known that I won’t be telling the titles of any of the books in question simply because while I might not like a technique used by a writer it doesn’t mean I will bash them in a public forum like my blog.  I just want to share my reader’s observations in hopes that they may help someone else with their writing.

And on that note I am going to close for now. It’s almost 5 am and I’m super tired now. I want to read one more chapter, but it’s really late now. I’ll read more later.  And I will talk to you all later as well.  Be good until then.  Bye for now.

Barely able to keep her eyes open,
M.

The Vultures Are Out

(source)

So if you aren’t into writing or reading Young Adult novels, then you may not know about the novel “Purity” by Jackson Pearce that recently came out. Now let me first say I have not read the novel yet, but I know basically what it’s about. Here’s the info for those who don’t know about the novel.

A novel about love, loss, and sex -- but not necessarily in that order.

Before her mother died, Shelby promised three things: to listen to her father, to love as much as possible, and to live without restraint. Those Promises become harder to keep when Shelby's father joins the planning committee for the Princess Ball, an annual dance that ends with a ceremonial vow to live pure lives -- in other words, no "bad behavior," no breaking the rules, and definitely no sex.

Torn between Promises One and Three, Shelby makes a decision -- to exploit a loophole and lose her virginity before taking the vow. But somewhere between failed hookup attempts and helping her dad plan the ball, Shelby starts to understand what her mother really meant, what her father really needs, and who really has the right to her purity.

So already we understand this is a novel about teenagers, virginity, and losing one’s virginity.  Throw in some doubtfulness about God and well you have a meal fit for the vultures.  And boy did they come out. In a fairly recent article on Jezebel, we learn more about the novel as well as read some great excerpts from the book.  But if you head on down to the comments section, you will see that the fangs, claws, beaks, what have you, have come out.

Now, here’s my ish.  The article was about the book and sharing the book with Jezebel readers. However, when I read the comments, a lot of them were picking on Jackson’s way of writing as well as her stance on not being in support of self publishing.  What do those have to do with the actual story? I can kind of understand some were upset that they didn’t know what they had read was a work of fiction and that ignited some of the hate, but others knew and trashed how it was written.  I thought the excerpts were well written and told the story well. The POV was from Shelby, which every time I hear this I giggle because my last name is Shelby. Anyway, like I said, we are in Shelby’s mind, so naturally the voice is going to be younger. Hello, the book is YOUNG ADULT, and yes I know that doesn’t mean the reader has to be a young adult, but you must approach the book like one.

I’m sure a lot of the commenters have not suffered loss and the pain of that loss.  I could clearly understand and believe that Shelby would be torn keeping a promise to her dying mother and wanting to please both her and her dad. She’s young and I can understand the fear of standing up to your dad, especially when you know he’s trying so hard and he wants what is best for you and you don’t want to hurt him. I don’t think those negative commenters could let their minds wrap around that.  Perhaps they were afraid to do so. Perhaps not experiencing loss caused them to not be able to. Who knows.  I believe that Jackson said she wrote this novel around the time that her grandfather passed away and that incident sort of helped her connect to the loss of a loved one.  Sorry if I butchered that, but I believe that is what she said in her live show.  But I mention this because I too have lost someone close to me, my brother, and so I could understand the giving a dying person their wish and trying to make it come true. And if it’s a person’s mother, even more so.

So this all got me thinking about my writing and how other people would approach it.  No matter what kind of story you write, there will be people who will hate it. There’s no getting around that.  I don’t know how Jackson handles the negativity from book reviews. I know that goes with the territory of putting yourself out there, and she seems to just be one brave cookie by nature, but I’m more of the kind to take things to heart. It got me wondering, can I handle being an author if it happens to me.  Could I handle such horrible things being said about me? So of course I had to research how other authors handle negative reviews and I found myself on another article by Mike Duran about how authors need thin skin.  Umm, author say what?

So after reading the article I totally got what Mike was saying. He basically says that if authors, or anyone for that matter, were to have thick skin and not let what others are saying getting in, they may be missing out on some great critique.  I’m always open for critique when it’s constructive, and I think that’s the case for a lot of people, but it’s those who want to be negative and hateful just because they can, that gets to me. I’ll all for listening to what others have to say and then making my choice about it later.  So having a thin skin isn’t so bad, I suppose.  But I think the “skin” issue has to be almost like a jacket. You put on the proper one when the “weather” calls for it. Thin for the constructive critiques and thick for the non-constructive critiques.

So I’m not an author, yet, but I have had my work critiqued before, and sometimes it’s brutal.  It can be hurtful, and I just had them on poems, short stories, and plays. I couldn’t imagine how hard it would be to read such negative things on something I’d spent months on.  Of course the supporters far outweigh the non-supporters, but still I can’t imagine how authors get through it. I guess it really just comes down to a choice. You can choose to ignore what is being said and just keep on keeping on, or you can choose to let the harsh words consume you and let them ruin something you truly love and admire.  It all goes back to not writing a story for the masses, but writing a story that you truly love.  Odds are, if you love, others will too. And I think that’s just what Jackson has done and will continue to do. She writes the story she wants to read, and if we all jump on board great.  And if you don’t get on board…humm well I guess as long as you bought the book you are hating on, then she’ll find a way to deal with the hate, all the way to the bank baby.

And on that awesome closing note, I shall bid you all farewell.  I am still writing and working on reading more.  I plan to update the blog soon to make it a little less Blogger default and more my style.  Hummm, my drawing skills, now that is something you will not want to miss.   I’ll talk to you all next time.  Be good until then.  Bye for now.

Writing away,
M.

I've Won!!!

I've won this year's Script Frenzy with just a few hours to spare. Now granted, I could have done so much better on the script this year. I got started on the first day, let most of the month go by, then have been typing all weekend so that I could finish in time.  I'm glad of the work I did, but I am going to continue the script throughout May without the stress of competing with time hovering over my head. Will I do Script Frenzy again? Humm, perhaps.  I'll let you know in a year.  ;-)

Going to go let her back relax from hours of non-stop typing,
M.

The Casual Vacancy by J. K. Rowling

So if any of you are fans of the Harry Potter series, it’s possible you are fans of the series’ author J. K. Rowling.  I’m a big fan of her work and her personal story.  After her last book came out I worried there was no way she could top Potter.  I mean Potter was and still is huge. How can she top that? After reading about her latest work, I don’t think she’s trying to.

I have eagerly been awaiting Rowling’s new literature release, and it seems that come September 27, 2012 the world’s waiting will be over. The Casual Vacancy (feel free to preorder now) is the newest novel from Rowling and the first since the Potter series ended.  This time her novel is aimed at adults. I was so excited to read more work was coming from her, but in reading the short blurb about her upcoming novel it has me wondering how good it will be.

While the Potter books were very much British specific, the world could relate to the stories because it took us into a world that didn’t really exist, the world of magic. It didn’t matter that the characters all talked with accents or that they spoke words specific to Britain.  The world that Rowling created was her own and though she shared it with us we all saw it in our own way so it really didn’t change how one read the books.  However in her new novel I’m not really getting that it’s a fantasy book but more contemporary.  I could be wrong, but the blurb to me read as contemporary, and this makes me wonder how the rest of the world will relate to it. Here’s the book description from the Amazon website.

When Barry Fairweather dies unexpectedly in his early forties, the little town of Pagford is left in shock. Pagford is, seemingly, an English idyll, with a cobbled market square and an ancient abbey, but what lies behind the pretty façade is a town at war. Rich at war with poor, teenagers at war with their parents, wives at war with their husbands, teachers at war with their pupils…. Pagford is not what it first seems. And the empty seat left by Barry on the town’s council soon becomes the catalyst for the biggest war the town has yet seen. Who will triumph in an election fraught with passion, duplicity and unexpected revelations? Blackly comic, thought-provoking and constantly surprising, The Casual Vacancy is J.K. Rowling’s first novel for adults.

Now don’t get me wrong, I so plan on reading this book. I mean come on, it’s J. K. Freaking Rowling, so of course I am going to read it. I hope the name alone will make people want to read it because I want her to be a continued success. But I have seen in the past where YA authors tried to write for adults and it just didn’t translate well.  Since her book is for adults I don’t imagine kids getting their hands on it easily if at all so the market has narrowed down for her. I just wish it would say if the book is fantasy or not. I think if it was fantasy it would have a better chance than contemporary. I don’t know if there is a big draw for adult readers for stories heavily based in certain countries. Not too many Anglophiles out there like myself…but if there are drop me a note and let me know so we can dream about England together.  

But perhaps I am wrong and this book will be the new craze and we’ll be hearing about the movie The Casual Vacancy in a year or two.  I’m thinking in 480 pages there has got to be something gripping and exciting, and I can’t wait to get my paws on it.   It’s nice to have something to look forward to from Rowling again. I don’t know if I can do the $21.00 asking price from Amazon, down from $35.00, but I do plan on shopping around and seeing if I can get it a hair cheaper.

So what do you think? Think the new book from Rowling will be just as awesome as Potter? Don’t think it can live up to Potter? Or do you plan to wait and read before you make your mind up? Though I have some lingering doubts on how it will do, I plan to wait until I read it from cover to cover before I make my finally decision on it. For once in my life I can’t wait until September to come.  LOL!

On that note I will close. I am working on Script Frenzy, yes I know I barely mentioned it, but I am chipping away at it…kind of. This month has been a hectic one and so I am still cleaning up last year’s work so I can continue with this year’s. Hey, I have 8 days and a few hours left to knock out 100 pages…piece of .  Alright readers and writers alike, I am off. Talk to you all soon. Be good until then. Bye for now.

Wondering how many pages she can knock out tonight,
M.

I give up for now guys…

I’ve been trying to get back into blogging but if its not one thing its another. As you may know my computer has been unusable because it overheated and needed a cleaning. I finally got it back a couple of days ago and was trying to sort things out on it so that it would work faster and blah blah. Well I kept noticing something weird about it. It gets hot on the completely other side of the keyboard now and there’s a constant humming. For days I thought it was just me, but no, I’ve used this thing enough to know that Best Buy Geek Squad has messed up my computer!!!  They put it back together wrong!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am beyond pissed because its going to take an act of some higher power for me to get it fixed back around and those dillweeds better NOT expect payment for it!!!  I’m livid, if you can’t tell.  I haven’t been able to use my computer much because its slow and sluggish, probably from all the heat that is barely escaping because all the vents are ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE COMPUTER and so the air is not getting out and my computer is just staying hot. Sorry, just frustrated by this on top of other things. And to make it more frustrating it’s Script Frenzy this month and I haven’t worked on it yet because I am reading through what I wrote last year to see where I left off.  Loving the story I wrote last year, btw. But now I may have to put it off for a few more days while the dillweeds that insist they know what they are doing fix my computer, AGAIN. Once again, sorry, just frustrated and this is just the tug that broke the doll’s neck. Ha, did you see what I did there…oh nevermind.

So basically, if I owe you an email, its coming, but probably not until hopefully this weekend but don’t count on it until next week. My email is muy backed up again and I was all set for a big cleanout when I finally got my computer back since my sister’s is kind of slow to do it and I thought my computer I’d whiz right through it. Yeah, not so much. So yeah, if you sent me something you will get a response next week at the latest. Sorry, but it is what it is. I’ll see what I can do from my sister’s computer, but honestly its only really good for watching things and not much else. So yeah, odds are I’ll be silent for a while, but I’ll be back as soon as those jokers get things fixed. Ugh! Dillweeds.

And so on that note, I’m off. I hope all of you have a wonderful Easter if you celebrate. If not, I hope you have an awesome weekend. I will talk to you lovely people later. Be good until then. Bye for now.

Wishing she knew how to fix her own computer,
A rather pissed off Michelle

Observational Post: *GASP* Rue is black?!?

So let me start off by saying I have not yet read The Hunger Games, but plan to in the very near future. But let me also say that you don't need to have read the novel to catch on to the fact that people are causing a stink because some of the movie characters are African American, even though in the book it clearly shows they have dark brown skin. Now I know after talking to various people online that dark brown skin can represent a lot of ethnic backgrounds, but in the novels it went on to say that the characters had thick hair. Now I don't know about you, but in my eyes that leans towards African or African American. To those of you who need it a little simpler, Black. Minus people of other races that have naturally curly hair, black people tend to be the ones with the thick hair and dark brown skin. So why is it a shock that Rue, the serious one in question, is black?

Now I know we are all guilty of generalizing that characters are white for the most part in novels. I'm guilty of it, you're guilty of it, we're all guilty of it.  But the times are changing people.  People of color exist if you want to face it or not and they are showing up in our novels and they are main characters of our novels too.  So why the sudden shock?  Why put out such hurtful tweets about how the movie was ruined because Rue was black?  I at first really got offended by this because I also am a gal sporting the "dark brown skin", and it just hurt that there is such disgust over Rue being black. Now I have been reading the Tumblr blog Hunger Game Tweets, and after reading some of the posts I have come to two conclusions about those posting the tweets.

From what I have observed, half of the tweeters are just straight out being rude and racist asses that should be called out on their rude tweets.  But then there is another half who I feel missed that line about Rue having dark brown skin and then formed a character in their mind, and when she ended up not being that character they grew to love in their mind they were saddened by it. Maybe their comments and realization that they were wrong about their beloved character came from a place of mourning.  They lost that blonde-haired girl they loved so much and just reacted in a way that kind of reminded me of the 5 stages of grief.  I mean think about it, first there is denial, these people are in denial that Rue isn't white but black. Next comes anger, they take to their Twitter and post nasty and racist comments about how Rue being black has ruined the movie for them and how a black girl is not the cute girl they pictured. Next is bargaining, not sure how they will do that here as everything is set and done. Perhaps some who learned of Rue's actress they made an appeal for a white actress to be cast instead. Now don't quote me on that, just trying to figure out how bargaining would work here.  Next step is depression, and a lot of these people are clearly depressed over the fact coming to light that Rue is black. And last comes acceptance, while some have "accepted it" they still don't like it. And well yeah there is nothing saying they have to like it, but it would be nice if these people could come to a place where the color of a person's skin doesn't describe their character for them. It should have never been a case that Rue was black, it should have been a case on if Rue's personality came to light on the screen.  I feel so sorry for the actress who played Rue. She's being ripped apart over the idiotic words of stupid assholes who didn't closely read the book. They are saying she's not pretty enough to be Rue, or that she isn't pretty at all, or plan out that she just an "N" word. What the hell people? What the hell?

Its actions like this that make me want to write the stories that float around in my head because a lot of them have main characters of color. I will just say characters of color because I want to explore all kinds of races and try to bring them to life in my stories. My novel "Jumper" has a lead female character who is multiracial, has three love interests throughout the story who are African American, biracial, and white, and a best friend who is white. Why? Because no matter how some people want to look at it, that's real life.  While I'm not denying characters in stories and mainly white, I am denying that that is the only way a book should be written or read. I hope to prove that in my stories. Now I don't plan on putting it right in your face the race of my characters because I don't feel that defines them. I don't want my readers to have a stereotypical voice in their head just because a character is a certain race. I want them to form their own opinion of who the character is after just a slight mention of what they look like. But then again Suzanne Collins did that and look how that tuned out. So I guess its a damned if you do and damned if you don't situation. So I will just write the best novel I have in me and let people make their own opinions about it and I'll just keep on keeping on.  But it won't keep me from trying to introduce more color to the world.  No, I'm not an person of color who only plans to write about people of color, I actually have a novel in the works that so far only has white characters in it, but I am a person of color who feels if the character would be better off black or indian or hispanic then that is what they will be.  And that is all I have to say on that. Oh and also, Rue's black people.  Rue's black. Deal with it and move on. Thanks.


And on that note I'm going to go have my Subway flatbread sub waiting for me, watch Dancing with the Stars and Lost Girl, and then exercise. I will talk to you lovely folks later. Be good until then. Bye for now.


Ready to start her own hunger games with her sub,
M.

Observational Post: I'm slowly realizing...

That life is just plain confusing, and not just for me. So last night I learned one of my IRL friends unfriended me on FaceBook, and I have to admit it hurt. Now let me just say that since my stomach has been acting up for a couple of years now I haven't been going out and doing things with my friends and because of that my friends have just stopped talking to me. It makes me feel even more guilty for being sick and causes so much anger in me that they would just ditch me because of that. My best friend has all but stopped talking to me, which honestly stings the worse, and now a friend I was close to just unfriended me without any explanation. I went to her FaceBook page thinking maybe she deactivated for a while, but no she still has her page with her over a hundred friends, minus one. I felt really sad and sent her a simple message saying "I won't argue it and will just accept it.", and I left it at that. Oddly enough her husband was still friended to me, but I unfriended him because for one thing it would just be weird to have him on my list and not her, and second it would kill me seeing her talk to him and still not telling me why she dumped me. *shrugs* But oddly enough this is not the point of this post.

So yeah, I felt pretty bummed, so I blogged on my weight loss Tumblr for a while to just get remotivated for my weight loss. Things were going good until I found my way onto two blogs that are part of a blog trend on Tumblr. Private confessions blogs.  The two I found are about insecurities and confessions of teenagers.  The teenagers blog made me want to reach out to them and hug them and tell them it does get better, but then I thought about it. Does it? I mean yeah you get some freedom from some things, but if you are not effectively active in the direction you life is heading does it ever really get better?  My answer is no. And this became even more evident when I read the insecurities blog and read one confession that someone already had their suicide note written. This made me want to jump and go into saving mode, but then it hit me, its anonymous, so no way of finding the person.  Reading the confessions of these people who are sad, hurting, and lost has just added on to my thoughts that in the end none of us really know what we are doing or where we are headed and that I'm not really that alone in my thoughts or in my current life situation.  Sure, maybe there isn't anyone stuck at home because of stomach issues, but there are others stuck at home because they are afraid to leave the house or they can't leave the house and they are just as sad and alone as I am.

Then you add on to that the realization that I am different from my friends now. I don't see life the same way as they do, but then again maybe I do and I'm just more vocal about it. But I do know that we just don't have anything in common any more. The one thing we had in common before was we were kids and teens forced to go to the same place everyday and deal with roughly the same issues. But now that school is long over we've all just kind of drifted away. Its cool, but I just wish it hadn't taken me forever to let go of the dream we'd find our ways back to each other and still be friends. I'm a dreamer, what can I say? I now realize I need to forget about them and our friendships and move forward in my life alone. Well not alone, I have my family and my loving boyfriend, but its so hard leaving the "good" parts of my past behind. I kind of feel like my past defined me for the rest of my life. Kind of like I always saw myself as the fat girl, the fat girl in my friendships, and it took me a long while to see that my fat and obesity is a disease and not a characteristic of me. It does not describe who I am or who I will be. Only I can do that. And only I will do that.

Like I said, I'm a late bloomer, but I'm slowly coming to terms with it and realizing its ok. There are no set rules to life, although society would like to say there are.  Well screw you society! For years you have made me feel like I have deserved less because I was fat and multiracial.  I refuse to let you make me bitter and harden. Perhaps I can don a slightly thicker skin, but that's only so I will stop giving a crap about what anyone but I think about myself. Other than that society, you can kiss it. :-)

So in a nut shell I'm just observing a lot about life from my little glowing screen in front of me. Yes real life is online. That's where we all retreat to so we can connect to others. Its where we share our lives and try to become famous or at least infamous. In my eyes "real life" is not real because we all hide behind the masks that society forces us to wear. On the internet we are real, hidden behind our screen names, and from that you can really see how messed up we all are on a grand scale. You can really see how none of us are perfect. And the best thing of all, you can really see how much you aren't truly alone in whatever you are going through. Hum, life, she's one crazy bitch.  That's all for now kids. Time to take the blue pill and try to get some sleep.  Hope your day is awesome and talk to you soon. Be good until then. Bye for now.

Pleased to just be,
M.

Well damn.

Hey guys, sorry I haven't updated on my schedule from two days ago.  Reason being?  I underestimated how hard it would be to figure out what I really wanted from my characters. I just now got them all fleshed out, at least the major and minor ones.  The ones that will show up on occassion can be fleshed out as we go along. So as I worked on this all today trying to finish my fleshing I thought to myself "You know, you only have three months to bust this all out", which is when I jumped and really started grabbing those characters of mine and shaking their story out of them.  *files nails* It worked.  :-)

So the characters have let me into their minds some and I'm super excited.  There names were so much fun to create, at least the first one. I'm kicking myself now because I realize I still need last names. *groans* But the first names all reflect the character and what they represent. For example, my "heel" in the story is named Cameron which means crooked nose. I kid you not. LOL!  So yeah there is a lot of that going on in this story.  So excited to work with these new characters for an old tale.  So yeah.

I still need to work on the scrapbooking of the characters. I want to try this out and see if it helps me get in touch with their character more. I might share the Pinterest links of their boards here when I am done, that's if I decide to keep them and use them.  I also need to sort out their last names, which can be like pulling teeth. Ugh!  But hey, I'm at least actively working on it and have been everyday since my last post.

As for weight loss...yeah not so good.  I'm not giving up, but I am still doing a weird awkward dance when it comes to weight loss. I will do it.  I have no other options. I'm unhealthy. Its just hard. But I won't give up.

And that's about it on my update. I'm off to eat some dinner, work on my characters some more, then exercise. Love you guys. Talk to you later. Be good until then. Bye for now.  :-)

Writing away excitedly,
M.

Observational Post: The Friends Only Blogs

So I like to observe things in my everyday life so as to squirrel things away to possibly use in novels later.  People watching is a sport I take seriously in a non-creeper sort of way.  So it hit me I should post my findings here for later use and for others who may be in need of some inspiration. I will call these nuggets of wisdom an "Observational Post".  Here we go.

So while searching the web for blogs to read I came across a ton of "friends only" or "friend locked" blogs. This means the person has locked their entries where only friends can see them.  Now I admit I used to lock some entries on my LiveJournal mirror blog but after a while I saw it as almost childish.  What I was saying really didn't need to be hidden.  I mean I chose to blog because I wanted to share my life and thoughts with people.  So why did I need to lock some of them for friends only?  I didn't, so I stopped doing it.

Now don't get me wrong, some people need that option to protect themselves from trolls, but it makes me wonder about the other people who use the lock option.  Are they just paranoid?  What do they feel will happen if a stranger reads their post? Are they worried someone will find their location and stalk them? Are they worried someone will use what they typed against them?  Or are they just a private person. I really tried to get into the mind of these individuals and have come to the conclusion that most of these bloggers are in the age range of teen-20s.  From what I've observed, older bloggers tend to not care as much who reads their blogs and actually encourage strangers to stop by to read them.  So is it an age and confidence issue?  Does it all come down to worry over what one might think of you and what you have to say?  Its quite interesting to think about this, especially after the amount I came across. I literally found tons of them.  So I wonder why the appeal for them. I did get an idea to use this idea of friend locking in a future story to add a little bit of edge to a story.  Will have to see about that.

Ok, so I just wanted to share my findings real quick before I head off to bed.  Talk to you all later.  Be good until then. Bye for now.

Sleepy and headachey,
M.

What I Have Planned For Today

Ok, going to start off small so I don't overwhelm myself.  Here's the list.

• Get Characters For "Jumper" Fleshed Out
• Make Character Scrapbook Boards (more on this later)
• Exercise
• Research Shipping Prices For Boxes I Use And How To Get More Of Them
• Decide On Inventory For Shop

That's all I expect myself to do today. If I can't do this then I have problems.  LOL!  I'll be back later to update.  Oh, if you look at the top of the page I've added an "About Me" section.  If you have the time check it out.  :-)  The other sections are under construction and should hopefully be up within a week. I have a lot of pictures and links to get for them. I'll let you know when they are done.  Ok, off to work on some of my characters before I sleep for a few hours.  Talk to you all later. Be good until then. Bye for now.

Feeling a bit sleepy,
M.

Long Time No Write

Its been a while since I have written here.  To be honest I haven't had much to say when it comes to writing. I have not done much of it since Script Frenzy and Camp Nanowrimo last year.  Those two made my attempt at Nanowrimo just suck. I started it then let it die. I told myself last year that that was the last time I would do Nanowrimo and from now on would write all the time instead of once a year.  Yeah Spring has just started and I haven't written a damn thing. Shows how dedicated I am. Well, that is going to change starting today.

A lot of stuff has been going on with me in my life and I have been pulling back and hiding to avoid facing things and reality.  The reality of things is that I am unhealthy, lack willpower and determination, and constantly throw pity parties because I'm not getting results I want. *insert eye roll here*  From now on I'm going for "it".  What "it" is is weight loss, better health, finally starting my selling businesses, and finally working on writing and submitting for publication.

Great, now that I know what I want to do, start my businesses, get healthy, and become a published author, I need to figure out how to get to where I want to be. This is where things become muddled for me.  I don't know how to take the first step. Mind you, I know what the first step should be, and well yes I can actually take that first step, but I guess its the second step that is hardest for me. How do I continue to work and strive towards my goal. I always mess up and have to start over on everything and I know if I don't want to do that anymore I have to stop quitting.  So here goes.  Here's my attempt at doing so. Its a new season, a fresh start. By the beginning of summer I want to have my novel "Jumper" written. Yes I am still working on that, oh and I have done some changes to it. For one thing I've change the main characters' names that are more fitting to them. Also I don't think the story will be called "Jumper" any more, but for now it will stay. I know if I do get published the name will change to something better, at least I hope it does...no it better change to something better. LOL!  And well right now I am at outlining stage...again. I know, craptastic, but it is what it is. The stories I wrote just never seemed right. Its going in the right direction but its just not there yet. So I am back to square one. I'll be sharing more details about my novel here as it unfolds. At this point I have changed character names, removed some characters, added some characters, and I am still working on the plot.  More to come.

As for health, I am finding it so hard to exercise and stick to my diet, and I just wish I could bribe myself to do it somehow. I have tried it before and it just doesn't work. I don't think I have mentioned it here before, but I am a doll collector of various dolls from cheap dollar store dolls to expensive Asian ball-joint dolls, and I have a set of vintage Barbie dolls waiting for me as an incentive to lose a large sum of weight. They were bought I think in 2010 and I can't have them until I lose the weight. Now I tried this with a Blythe doll and I did lose the weight...only the put it back on again.  I think I put it back on because I did a lot of starving because I was bad off at the time and could barely eat. Since I didn't learn how to really lose weight the right way doing that I put the weight back on. This time I am doing it the right way so I know how to keep it off for good or at least how to lose it again if I do notice the weight creeping back up.  But it seems if I want anything done I need to bribe myself for what I want.

So what can I do to get myself to write more?  I need something to get me to write the novel and finish it.  What would be a good incentive?  Hummm.  I know, for finishing the novel by June 20, 2012, the first day of Summer, I will have earned myself 3 books to read, 3 notepads and pens, and a bottle of "For Audrey" China Glaze nail polish that I really really want.  And laugh if you must but I really want these things.  LOL!  Maybe some of you can relate to the love of books, notepads and pens,and nail polish. LOL!  I seldom buy new stuff for myself and I don't remember the last time I bought new books for myself.  I am thinking I want the "Hex Hall" series, and there are three of them out so I think its perfect. The notepad and pens are for outlining, brainstorming, and jotting when novel thoughts come to mind. And as for the pens, well you can never have enough pens, especially if they are cute.  :-)  I so need a counter of some sort to show this on the blog.  LOL!  As for editing bribing I'll worry about that later.  I'm thinking it will be something a little more enticing because I feel editing will be the hardest part for me.

Ok, now that I have that all done, now its just my business I need to force myself to start. I haven't done it yet because honestly I am scared of being a big mess up on it. I want to open my doll clothing business as well as my amigurumi pattern business. Later on I want to open a vintage clothing shop and an Ebay or Amazon shop with my boyfriend so we can attempt to work for ourselves. See, I've got plans, and they are good plans, I am just to scared to act on them. But that stops today. I have the two main shops I want to start set up already, I just need to put inventory in and start promoting.  That one I think will still take some time as I need to figure out prices, shipping, logos, promotion, etc. But once I get my first sale I will treat myself to stationary, tissue paper, and a tag paper punch as payment for a job well done and to make my packages I send out look nicer.  Ok so I have the incentive, I guess with this I just need a deadline. I'm giving myself a month to get everything in the shop and set up for business. On April 20, 2012 I will be open for business. Stay tuned.

And then we return to the big one, weight.  Yes, yes, I still have the dolls, but that is for ultimate goal weight or at least getting to a certain number in weight.  I need tinier incentives to get things going. Ok, I want something for the first 20 pounds. Since those pounds can be tricky and sneak back up on you I will do something small. I think a bottle of crackle or shatter nail polish or a pretty nail polish I like. I want to start small and leave bigger things for when the going gets tough, and we all know it will.  I can't set a real deadline on the 20 pounds, but I will give myself roughly 2 months. So by May 20, 2012 I need to be 20 pounds less.  I am not going to say my weight here because it's personal to me and I won't cheat because it won't benefit me any if I do. I don't need a bottle of nail polish that bad to cheat with this.  LOL!  So I will post a counter for that as well here on the blog.  And please don't worry, I will not make this into a weight loss blog, I'll just mention every now and again how my progress is going.  This blog is strictly to get my rear in gear and write this damn novel.

But now that I have incentives, what will the punishments be?  Perhaps the disappointment in myself and the embarrassment of having to admit here that I've failed will be enough. Yeah, the thought of admitting after I posted this post that I still failed after all is scary enough to make me at least try not to look like an ass on the internet.  So yeah, there.

Ok, I am actually glad I was able to talk this all out here. It really helps me feel a little more centered and less like I am free-falling into nowhere.  I was thinking of writing myself a daily schedule in a notebook so I didn't waste time during the day. I think I will do that then post a new entry here of what I will be doing today so I can be held accountable.  Perhaps my return to writing and blogging here will be my savoir.  No, not perhaps, it will be my savoir. I plan to blog everything about my writing and life in general to be accountable on everything.  So here we go, day one. I just need to get through the next roughly 17 hours and 17 minutes. If I can do that, its one step closer to goal. :-)  I'm going to close for now and go work on my schedule and some outlining. Talk to you all soon.

Off to conquer the day,
M.

Merry Christmas everyone!

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I hope all of you had an awesome Christmas. Mine was ok. It ended up being mostly just another day for me.  This year has really turned out to be a bust for me when it comes to writing.  I’ve come up with MANY plots for stories, one just recently that I think will be two different kinds of novels in the end, and well I just really haven’t sat down to work on anything.  I think it’s my lack of belief in myself when it comes to writing.  I just worry I suck at it, and heck I probably do.  And I know I need to suck before I can be good, but when I write the suckage just doesn’t seem to be getting any less suckier.  So I guess that’s why this year I was disheartened.  I didn’t win Nanowrimo, and I’m not upset by it.  It just wasn’t in me.  And honestly, I don’t know if I will do Nanowrimo again.  I think I am beyond it now.  I don’t need an event to write.  I need good old fashioned butt in seat fingers on keyboard, or pen on paper as the case can be sometimes.

Next year I want to get back into writing again and writing more.  I am thinking about going to school for English/Literature, but I’m not sure if that will help me more or be a waste of money.  I have until the fall to figure it out.  But for now I’m just going to squirrel away my plot bunnies and ride out the rest of this year.

I hope this Christmas found you all happy and well and gave you plenty of down time to write.  I will talk to you all soon.  Take care until then.  Bye for now. 

Longing to crawl into bed and call it a wrap on Christmas 2011,
Michelle

Happy Veteran’s Day

Thank you for your bravery and thank you for my freedom.

Writing away,
M.

Happy Halloween!!!

Happy Halloween to all of your freaks and ghouls out there!    I hope you are all playing it safe and having a fun time tonight.  I’m doing my usual Halloween thing of spending the night in.  It’s raining something horrible out there so I don’t think there were any trick-or-treaters out tonight.  My friend even took her kids to the mall because we got hit with one of the coldest and wettest Halloweens in a long time. I remember Halloweens just a few years back where you had to wear short sleeve shirts because it was hot an muggy.  Don’t get me wrong, I love the cold, but the wind and rain make it extra brrrrrrr.  So I hope you are staying warm tonight if your neck of the woods is unseasonably cold too tonight.

Right now I am currently counting down the hours to the start of Nanorwrimo.  I am being a Nano Rebel this year by not writing a novel.  I’m going to be finishing up a script for the photostory I’ve been trying to finish for a long time now.  I think my time of Nanowrimo is coming to an end.  I don’t know if I’ll be doing it next year.  I do cherish the crazed writing during November, I just think I want to start making that an everyday thing than just a one month thing, so I don’t know about future Nanos.  But this year is my first as a Rebel and I’m kind of excited about it.  I don’t want to write a novel just to write a novel and waste time on something I’ll hate, so I will write the script which will hopefully help me write my story and get it done so I can start taking pictures in December and start putting it up next year.  Fingers crossed.

As for other things I am doing right now, I’m focusing on my health right now.  There are a lot of things I need to get done by the end of the year.  I have something I am dreading coming up in 28 days, and I don’t really want to talk about it right now because I’m that nervous about it.  It’s really silly to be nervous about it, but when I explain it…on the 28th or 29th of next month, then I’m sure it will be clearer why I dreaded it.  I’m working on inventory for my shop.  I finally found a place to put my shop.  I think that was another problem for me, where to put my shop, but I found a nice place for it to be that a lot of other doll sellers are on so it works.  And well, I guess that’s about it right now.  So the goals for the end of the month is to work on the immediate health issues at hand, get through that situation I’m dreading at the end of next month, and get the shop open.  I know I won’t make the Christmas rush with my shop, but that’s ok, as long as I get it open.  Oh, and yes I am still working on emails, comments, etc., etc. etc., you get the point.  I’m working on all that.  Now that some stress has been taken off of me with my parents health either doing better or being looked at, my mom still worries me some with her heart issues, I’m getting a little more calmer and I can focus better.  I’m hoping this next month will be busy and productive for me.  I’m ending this year on a good note, no matter what.  And NO Michelle, that isn’t jinxing it for you by saying it aloud.   

And on that crazy note, I will bring this post to a close.  I will talk to you lovelies soon.  Be good until then.  Bye for now. 

Writing away,
M.

12 Years Ago Today

January 5, 1997-October 12, 1999

And I still can’t believe you are gone forever.  You are always in our hearts and thoughts.  We love you.

Love always,
M.

Maybe I’m Not A Pantser

Ok, so I am trying to work on my newest novel, and I’m on page 25 of it, and I’m just so frustrated with it.  One, I’m still sucking, and two, it just seems like it isn’t flowing right.  But the thing is, if I were to leave this alone and come back to it in a couple of months I would laugh my ass off at the things I wrote…that’s a good thing.  So I guess I’m not that bad, just needing to figure out ahead of time what I want these people to do.  I hate outlining, but if I could just have a general idea what I want to happen in each chapter that would be good I guess.  I’m liking this story, just needing to know how to get to the end point.  But I worry having an outline might take away from the writing for me.  Ugh!  Just not sure what to do.  Ok, I’m going to try to do an outline for this current chapter and see how it turns out for me.  More soon.

Writing away,
M.

I Give Myself Permission To Suck

So I am hard at work on my new novel that I decided to pick up after I made peace with myself for putting “Jumper” on hold.  This new novel is coming along, just I still have the stress of not knowing what’s going on in the novel and the stress over thinking that what I am writing sucks.  This is when a video by Maureen Johnson popped into my head where she talked about sucking.  I went back and watched it and it made me feel a little better about sucking.  So for public knowledge, I give myself permission to suck!  And now you can too.

Writing away,
M.

Jumper…

So for those of you who don’t know, I’ve been working on my first Nanowrimo winning novel “Jumper” since 2008.  I am currently in the process of rewriting it, but the story is just not there for me yet.  So I am going to put it away for now and focus on something else.  I feel the time I am wasting avoiding working on it because the story is still locked away in my head somewhere is wasted time that could be dedicated to a story that is brimming and ready to come out of me.  So I am working on something new for now and will return to “Jumper” at a later time.  *sigh*  That is all.

Writing away,
M.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2

You know this movie is going to be so sad yet so exciting at the same time.  I honestly can’t wait to see it, but I am also sad to see it.  I was so sad when I finished the Deathly Hallows knowing that was it for the world of Harry Potter.  Honestly thinking about it almost makes me want to get weepy.  I’m sure those of you who have read the books can agree that you feel you have put an investment into this world.  You “made friends”.  You “made enemies”.  You’ve “fallen in love”.  This world was alive in the minds of so many and to see it end was so sad.  I know all good things come to an end, but I am truly sad to see it end and I’m truly sad to see the last movie ready to roll out.  I know we can always revisit the world, but we already know what happens.  I’d like to know what happens after all was well.  But alas, I suppose that I’ll just have to make assumptions and come up with my own story in my mind.  *sigh*

But I am looking forward to the last movie.  I haven’t been feeling well lately so I couldn’t go see the last one in the theater, so this one I have to go see.  I plan to see the midnight showing even though I know it’s going to be super expensive, but oh well, it’s the last epic hoorah and that’s when everyone dresses up and whatnot.

But this does make me think about one thing.  This was kind of like J. K. Rowling’s big Super Bowl win.  The movies and whatnot were like her trip to Disney World.  What now?  I know she said she’d write under a different name, but does she have anything else to tell?  I mean this was an epic story.  What is left?  What other ideas has she got?  I’ve love to know what other worlds or people have formed in her mind since she bid farewell to Harry and his crew.  It’s sad to know that if she does write under a different name we may not know for a while and may miss out on reading her new work.  I know eventually the beans will spill and we will find out, but it could take a while. *sigh*  Well I suppose I need to stop worry about what she’s writing now and worry more about what I’m writing now.  I’ll make a new post about that in a second.  Until then, enjoy this Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 trailer.  Bye for now.

Writing away,
M.